Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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