Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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