dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
