you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
