Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's never too late to be topless.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
