Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
