I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize