I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So much Jack, so little girl.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
