Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
