Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
did you just send me my own nude
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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