You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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