Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
