Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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