We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
