I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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