I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
