I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
