is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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