If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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