And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
