I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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