I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
