I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
