my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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