My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
how does that bad decision feel?
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