i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
