Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So here I am, sexting at work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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