I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
