If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
