Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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