1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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