Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
