First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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