I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
