we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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