so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
