I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
