he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
