matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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