thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
