ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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