I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
