There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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