I wish my penis had an off switch
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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