You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
