covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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