HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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