Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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