if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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