Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
