he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
