I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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