We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
