is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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