hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
