I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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