well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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