our cab driver is having phone sex.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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