How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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