guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
