there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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