My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
