Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
