i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
