Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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