Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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